I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
