I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
