I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
