I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
