i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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