worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
