Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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