What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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