It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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