I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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