Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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