I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
