Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
