i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You made out with two different species that night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
