He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
