All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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