everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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