Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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