Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
