(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
