We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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