She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
