could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
