I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
