Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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