dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
