so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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