And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
