I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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