Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Panties = found
Randomize
