Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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