Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
