Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
