Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
