if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
