Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
