I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
