uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
