Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
