if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She bit a glass in half.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
