I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
