I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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