Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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