If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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