If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
