Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
