Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You have to summon your inner elephant
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
