woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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