Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
