Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
